1 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:05,459 (INDISTINCT TALKING) 2 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,169 (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) 3 00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,467 Well, Nash, that covers about everything. 4 00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:15,010 You have your instructions and your credentials. 5 00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:16,553 Yes. They're all in here. 6 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,138 I'd better get my tickets. 7 00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:21,433 If Dr. Wong's invention is half as good as he claims, 8 00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:23,644 the manufacturing rights will be worth millions. 9 00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:25,854 The American Electric Company can't afford to lose out. 10 00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:27,648 Yes, sir. No, sir. 11 00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:29,483 (SHOUTS IN LOCAL LANGUAGE) 12 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,485 I'm new in China. 13 00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,528 You had three years in the consular service. 14 00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:35,489 You know the country, the language 15 00:02:35,614 --> 00:02:36,823 and the manner of doing business here. 16 00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:38,450 That's why i'm sending you in my place. 17 00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:42,079 Considering everything, i'm sure you'll represent the company better than i. 18 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,581 -Well, i can die trying, sir. -Die? 19 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:47,000 -You're not sick, are you? -Oh, no, sir. 20 00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:49,795 Didn't i hear something about your being sick the day before your wedding? 21 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:52,381 Yeah. It... It happened twice. 22 00:02:52,464 --> 00:02:54,091 That's why i didn't get married. 23 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,551 -Carol... -Um, Miss Fortescue felt... 24 00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:59,388 Well, you can imagine how she felt. 25 00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:00,639 Yeah. You see... 26 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,434 -Discouraged. -Yes. 27 00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:07,854 So i resigned and went to America to the finest specialists. 28 00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:09,606 Well, they get you all cleaned out all right? 29 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,483 -Every nickel. -(CHUCKLES) That's fine. 30 00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:14,069 -Well, goodbye, Nash. -Goodbye. 31 00:03:14,569 --> 00:03:16,697 Sorry, madam. There are no trains to Wu-Hu. 32 00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:20,325 You said that three or four times. I must get there. 33 00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:22,411 It's very important for me. 34 00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:23,704 Money's no object. 35 00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:26,623 Madam, if i owned the railroad, i'd give you a train. 36 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,918 But a bridge has washed out, and our engines can't swim. 37 00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:31,753 Wu-Hu. I beg your pardon? 38 00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:33,463 A compartment to Wu-Hu, please. 39 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,507 Sorry. There's been an accident on the line. 40 00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:36,925 -Accident? -Yes, Sir. 41 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:40,220 Do you know whether Sir Mortimer Fortescue and his daughter... 42 00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:42,556 Their train was the last one to get through, sir. 43 00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,349 Oh, that's fine. 44 00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:46,935 Well, it looks as though i'll have to try and make it in my car. 45 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:48,562 It's a hard, long trip, sir. 46 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:49,646 NASH: Don't i know it. 47 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,231 (TRAIN WHISTLE TOOTS) 48 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,320 (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) 49 00:03:58,613 --> 00:03:59,781 Excuse me. 50 00:04:03,535 --> 00:04:04,995 Pardon me. 51 00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:15,505 -Do you mind? -Oh. (CHUCKLES) 52 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,799 That's all right. 53 00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:21,219 Aren't you the gentleman who's driving to Wu-Hu? 54 00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:22,429 Yes. 55 00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:24,097 I'm most anxious to go myself. 56 00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:26,641 I mean, wouldn't you take me along? 57 00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:30,228 I'm afraid not. It's no trip for a girl. 58 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,606 Bad roads and the desert. 59 00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:36,610 -That sounds interesting. -It isn't. 60 00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:38,528 I couldn't take the responsibility. 61 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,781 I'll take the responsibility. 62 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:44,409 Pardon me just a moment. 63 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,662 (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) 64 00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:52,501 Hey, you forgot to sign it. 65 00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:54,252 Oh, sign it "American Electric Company." 66 00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:56,213 Couldn't you possibly take me with you? 67 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:59,299 Yes, but... No. 68 00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:01,468 Won't you change your mind? 69 00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:02,803 It's a 24-hour trip. 70 00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:04,179 That's only a day. 71 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:07,057 A day and... and a night. 72 00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:09,851 I'm not afraid of the dark. Are you? 73 00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:13,438 No. I'm afraid of what might happen in it. 74 00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:16,441 -Whoo-hoo. -Whoo-hoo. 75 00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:21,655 Wu-Hu! Wu-Hu! 76 00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,657 Daily Mail! Wu-Hu! 77 00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:25,075 Wu-Hu! Wu-Hu! 78 00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:28,662 I haven't seen so many big shots since the peace conference. 79 00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,747 You know, that guy's invention must be plenty hot 80 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,333 to drag us from all over the world like this. 81 00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:41,967 -How do you do? -Who? 82 00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:43,134 You, Sir. 83 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:45,011 How do you do? 84 00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:47,639 You're Sir Mortimer Fortescue of Shanghai, are you not? 85 00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:49,266 You're mistaken. I am. 86 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,312 What is your opinion of Dr. Wong? 87 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:55,939 Wong? 88 00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:57,732 The man you came here to see. 89 00:05:57,816 --> 00:05:59,651 See? About what? 90 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,194 About his invention. 91 00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:02,279 Oh, yes. 92 00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:04,531 What is your opinion of his invention? 93 00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,074 Absolutely worthless. 94 00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:08,451 -The invention? -No. My opinion. 95 00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:11,580 Come on, Daddy. 96 00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:21,506 Good afternoon, sir. Did you have a nice trip? 97 00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:23,216 I always have a nice trip. 98 00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:24,301 You are, uh... 99 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:27,429 General Nicholas Baronosky Petronovich. 100 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,975 Formerly of the Russian Imperial Guard. 101 00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:35,896 At present, General Manager of the Moscow Utilities Company. 102 00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:38,732 Are you interested in Dr. Wong's new invention? 103 00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:42,319 I am here to buy the rights for my company. 104 00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:44,321 (THUD) 105 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,158 Who's that bird? 106 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:51,077 Must be Herr von Baden of the Berlin Lens and Optical Company. 107 00:06:57,709 --> 00:07:01,421 (SHOUTING IN GERMAN) 108 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,507 Would you say a few words, please? 109 00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,301 (SPEAKING GERMAN) 110 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,261 No, no, no, no. No, no. In English, please. 111 00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:12,515 In German or in English, out of the way! I have business. 112 00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,601 Skittish. Very skittish. 113 00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:17,103 Yeah, and just a wee bit squirrelly, too. 114 00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:27,364 WOMAN: Dr. Burns! Dr. Burns! 115 00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:29,783 Dr. Burns! 116 00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,746 Man inside, him very sick. 117 00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:36,539 I take you. 118 00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:40,251 -What's the matter? -Oh, Doctor, i'm sick. 119 00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:42,337 I cannot up-standing straight. 120 00:07:42,504 --> 00:07:45,006 -You can't what? -I cannot up-standing straight. 121 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:46,466 Well, let me see. 122 00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:47,842 Uh... 123 00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:51,304 Oh, look. Your... Look, your vest is buttoned to your trousers. 124 00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:55,016 Oh, thank you, Doctor. 125 00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:57,769 Ah! Thank you. (SIGHS) 126 00:07:58,478 --> 00:07:59,646 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 127 00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:02,607 This is the hotel manager. Dr. Wong. 128 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,361 Dr. Wong. 129 00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:08,989 Dr. Wong, i have a telegram for you. 130 00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:12,909 I'm afraid i have a short circuit in my transformer. 131 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,995 Well, that's very unfortunate, i'm sure. 132 00:08:15,078 --> 00:08:17,080 But, uh, how about this telegram? 133 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:18,289 Ah, right. 134 00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:20,166 There is a short circuit. 135 00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:22,168 Oh, were you saying something? 136 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,546 Why, yes. I have a short circuit... 137 00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,756 -Huh? -I mean, i have a telegram for you. 138 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,341 Read it, please. 139 00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:32,637 (CLEARS THROAT) 140 00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:37,308 "Leaving Shanghai to negotiate blonde on desert, 141 00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:42,272 "but will not take responsibility. 142 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,941 "Hold everything." 143 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,360 Signed, American Electric Company. 144 00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:49,821 Ah. The American representative. 145 00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:53,199 Is, uh, the telegram quite clear to you, Doctor? 146 00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:54,868 Quite, quite. 147 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:56,870 Clever people, these Americans. 148 00:08:56,953 --> 00:09:00,790 Always combining business with pleasure. 149 00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:04,836 Oh, uh, General Petronovich requested me to, uh, 150 00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:07,380 arrange an interview with you this afternoon. 151 00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:09,924 I will see no one until the arrival 152 00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:11,718 of the American representative. 153 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:15,221 Well, i hope he'll be here in time for your demonstration. 154 00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:17,307 Thank you. And now, 155 00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:25,148 you will be the first to witness the wonders of my radioscope. 156 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:28,902 Uh, pull those curtains, please. 157 00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,236 Yes, Doctor. 158 00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:38,745 Oh, Doctor, this is positively thrilling. 159 00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:44,000 I'm gooseflesh all over. 160 00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:51,466 What are you going to show me, Doctor? 161 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:56,721 The six-day bicycle race in New York City. 162 00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,516 Watch closely. 163 00:10:00,391 --> 00:10:05,480 (MAN SINGING) 164 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:10,193 Not quite synchronized. 165 00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:13,363 Seems rather, uh, mixed-up. 166 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,240 -(COW LOWING) -Yes. 167 00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:20,370 (MOOING) 168 00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:23,498 That moo went with the cow. 169 00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:26,626 I believe that is the customary procedure. 170 00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:33,299 (MOTOR WHIRRING) 171 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,303 (PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY IN SPANISH) 172 00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:40,140 NEWSREEL NARRATOR: Professor Henry R. Quail 173 00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:42,475 takes off from Juarez, Mexico, on a secret mission, 174 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:45,478 combining business with pleasure. 175 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,107 (BLOWS) 176 00:10:58,283 --> 00:10:59,409 Delicious. 177 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:02,120 MAN: 200 pesos. Charge it. 178 00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:05,456 HOTEL MANAGER: I wonder if the Professor can get off the ground 179 00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:07,500 with that load. (LAUGHS) 180 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:12,922 (PEOPLE SHOUTING IN SPANISH) 181 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:26,227 Now i will get you the six-day bicycle race. 182 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:30,064 If the doctor will permit, a little later perhaps. 183 00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:32,066 Oh, at your pleasure. 184 00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:34,360 It will be going on for six days. 185 00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:42,619 HOTEL MANAGER: Good afternoon, Doctor. -Good afternoon. 186 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:45,496 Oh, hello. Come here. (GIGGLES) 187 00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:49,500 Say, who's that? 188 00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:52,170 "Who is that?" That's the manager of the... 189 00:11:52,253 --> 00:11:54,005 Well, you wouldn't know. What difference does it make? 190 00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:56,216 -Good afternoon, Doctor. -BOTH: Good afternoon. 191 00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,218 -I have an invitation for you. -Oh, thank you. 192 00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:01,095 Dr. Wong is going to show his radioscope on the roof garden tonight. 193 00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:02,472 -Well, thank you very much. -Oh, goody! 194 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:03,932 "Goody?" You're not invited. 195 00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:07,560 Oh, that's too bad, Doctor, because you would've enjoyed it. 196 00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:08,895 Listen, i've had enough of this. 197 00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:10,313 I've got a good mind to get a different nurse. 198 00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:12,482 Oh, no, no. Don't do that, Doctor. This one is different enough. 199 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,609 -Well, then you talk to her. -Thanks. 200 00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,861 Do you know, you're very smart. 201 00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:18,863 Yes, i know. 202 00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:20,990 To what do you attribute your smartness? 203 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,076 -Uh, three things. -Three things? Oh. 204 00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:25,578 -First, my very good memory. -Mmm. 205 00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:28,873 And the other two things, um, uh... 206 00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:30,458 i forgot. 207 00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:34,128 -Look, uh, let me talk to her. -Thanks. 208 00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:36,214 What the manager would like to know is, 209 00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:37,423 did you ever go to school? 210 00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:38,925 Oh, yes, i did. 211 00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:41,010 Well, what school did you go to? 212 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,929 I'm not allowed to tell. 213 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,597 You're not allowed to tell? 214 00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:47,475 The school pays me $25 a week not to tell. 215 00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:50,436 -You take her. -Thanks. 216 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,689 (CLEARS THROAT) Did, um... 217 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:54,315 Did you ever read any books? 218 00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:56,109 Oh, of course i did. 219 00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:58,319 Did you ever read any books by Kipling? 220 00:12:58,403 --> 00:13:00,989 No. No, i never read any of his books. 221 00:13:01,072 --> 00:13:03,950 - I like his herring though. -Mmm-hmm. Uh... 222 00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,411 (CLEARS THROAT) 223 00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:09,122 This one is on me. 224 00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:12,125 -You like Kipling's herring? -Yes. 225 00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:13,751 Sometime when you have nothing to do, 226 00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:16,879 you must read some of dill's pickles. You'd like that too. 227 00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,923 -Oh, yeah? Well, i'll get it. -Get that. 228 00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:22,010 This Monday, a new pickle is coming out with a blue cover. 229 00:13:22,093 --> 00:13:24,053 Oh, yeah? A mystery, huh? 230 00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,806 (WHISTLES) If you don't mind. 231 00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,516 -Well. -(CLEARS THROAT) 232 00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:30,810 Uh, this one in on the house. 233 00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:35,648 You know, something must have happened to you when you were a baby. 234 00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:37,859 No. No, nothing happened to me, 235 00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:40,278 but something happened to my brother when he was a baby. 236 00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:41,529 Oh, to your brother. 237 00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:44,324 Yes. My father took him for a stroll in the carriage. 238 00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:45,742 But when my father came home, 239 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:48,453 he had a different baby in a different carriage. 240 00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,371 -Different baby in a different carriage. -Yes. 241 00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:51,581 What did your mother say? 242 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:52,749 Oh, she didn't say anything, 243 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,168 -because it was a better carriage. -Oh. Uh... 244 00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:57,045 -I'm coming. -(CLEARS THROAT) 245 00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,213 A better carriage, huh? 246 00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:02,467 Yes. And the baby my father brought home was a little French baby. 247 00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:03,801 A little French baby. 248 00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:06,095 Yes, so my mother took up French. 249 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:08,139 -Took up French. -Yes. 250 00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:09,974 To be able to understand the baby... 251 00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:11,934 -...when it started to talk. -When it started to talk. 252 00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,436 Yes. (CLEARS THROAT) 253 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,188 (BOTH SCATTING) 254 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:19,275 Oh, they're crazy people. 255 00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:39,295 PEGGY: What about these eggs? 256 00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,756 What about the eggs? 257 00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:44,092 Well, what about the eggs? 258 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,387 Are they finished? 259 00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:52,308 They're finished. Try it again. 260 00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:54,519 Listen, when you invited me to ride... 261 00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:56,396 Pardon me. You invited yourself. 262 00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:59,607 You told me we could cross this moth-eaten desert in 24 hours. 263 00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:01,401 I told you we could if we got a break. 264 00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:02,944 You got a break... 265 00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:05,363 Miles away from everywhere. 266 00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:08,616 And you spend half the night feeling around in the dark for nuts and bolts. 267 00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:11,327 Aw, fry an egg. 268 00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:23,172 Take your dirty hands off my lingerie. 269 00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:25,758 I'll take care of this. 270 00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:28,136 You start the engine, and hurry. 271 00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:30,263 What's your tearing hurry to get to Wu-Hu? 272 00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:31,889 -Business. -Business? 273 00:15:32,473 --> 00:15:36,727 Dr. Wong's invention is going to make millionaires, and i intend doing the same. 274 00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:40,231 You mean you're gonna marry a millionaire? 275 00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:41,732 I never marry anything else. 276 00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:43,818 Will you hurry? 277 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,946 Say, if my girl ever finds out 278 00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:48,406 I spent a night on the desert with another girl... 279 00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:51,742 Oh, don't tell her. She might think you're having a good time. 280 00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:54,996 "Good time." Lady, i wouldn't enjoy a minute of this trip 281 00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:57,832 even if you were Peggy Hopkins Joyce. 282 00:15:57,915 --> 00:16:00,835 -I am Peggy Hopkins Joyce. -Huh? 283 00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:04,213 (THUMPING) 284 00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:15,600 This is as far as we go. 285 00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:16,934 That's good news. 286 00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:19,687 - I hope you had a nice trip. -Mmm. 287 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,648 I hope there's a chiropractor in the hotel. 288 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,984 (MURMURS) 289 00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:29,822 -Where's a garage? -Down there. 290 00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:32,366 You catching nice a-number-one wife, mister. 291 00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:36,162 You catch 'em suitcase and do a-number-one scram. 292 00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:41,626 There are twin beds in the room at present. 293 00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:43,669 Shall i have one of them removed? 294 00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:44,921 Remove both of them. 295 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,005 Both? 296 00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:47,965 I prefer a double bed. Don't you? 297 00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,425 (CHUCKLING) 298 00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:50,676 So! 299 00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:51,886 Nicky. 300 00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:53,221 Your husband. 301 00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:56,057 No husbands at present. We're divorced. 302 00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:58,184 Didn't i get a divorce from you in Paris? 303 00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:00,478 Ah! That means nothing. 304 00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:03,147 In my country, you're still my wife. 305 00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:05,858 Oh, Nicky, darling, don't go dramatic on me. 306 00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:07,276 Everything is finished. 307 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,402 Never. 308 00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:12,156 Any man that comes between us, 309 00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:14,200 he will be finished. 310 00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:17,078 Undoubtedly, General. 311 00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:19,455 I delivered your message to Dr. Wong. 312 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,624 -Well? -He will talk to no one about the radioscope 313 00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:24,043 until after the arrival of the American representative. 314 00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:27,213 Nicky, are you interested in the radioscope? 315 00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:30,174 Interested? I'm going to buy it. 316 00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:31,592 It will make millions for me. 317 00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:33,052 Millions? 318 00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:35,263 Oh, Nicky, darling. 319 00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:37,557 Do you wish to go to your room now, Miss Joyce? 320 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:38,975 Yes, thank you. 321 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,768 (BELL DINGS) Come along, Nicky, dear. 322 00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:58,536 -Carol. -Tommy. 323 00:17:58,619 --> 00:17:59,870 You've come back. 324 00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:02,748 I missed you every hour i was gone. 325 00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,542 I thought i'd never see you again. 326 00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:05,668 (CHUCKLES) 327 00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:08,504 Well, i'm here, and you're here, 328 00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:10,423 and here we are. 329 00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:11,841 It's wonderful. 330 00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,384 Marvelous. 331 00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:18,139 No, it isn't. It's disgusting. 332 00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:22,393 Carol. Carol. 333 00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:24,520 What's the matter? 334 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:27,064 Ever since that day you left me waiting at the church... 335 00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:28,941 But i had the mumps. 336 00:18:29,025 --> 00:18:30,735 Yes. And the other time you had... 337 00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:32,028 What was it? 338 00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,446 The chicken pox. 339 00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:36,824 A grown man like you always breaking out in children's diseases. 340 00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:39,160 But, Carol, that's all over now. 341 00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:42,330 I visited the finest specialists in the United States. 342 00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:46,083 I've been examined, x-rayed, violet-rayed and inoculated. 343 00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:49,086 I'm 100% perfect and immune to everything. 344 00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:51,631 -Tommy. - I got the papers to prove it... 345 00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:53,549 Inoculation affidavits. 346 00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:56,010 -Oh, Tommy, I'm so happy. -Hmm. 347 00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:57,637 Excusing, please, master. 348 00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,847 Your number-one wife, she going topside... 349 00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:01,557 -Shh. -...with another one man. 350 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,268 -Your wife? -(STUTTERING) It's a mistake. 351 00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:06,896 She means the girl i... i traveled with. 352 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,814 You traveled with a girl? 353 00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:10,983 Yes, but we're not married. 354 00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:12,818 Not married? 355 00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:14,528 Now, darling, you're wrong. 356 00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:17,740 It was all purely platonic. 357 00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:19,700 Well, who is she? What's her name? 358 00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:21,786 Peggy Hopkins Joyce. 359 00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:25,665 And you were perfectly platonic with Peggy Hopkins Joyce. 360 00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:28,167 Now, dar... Wait. 361 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,169 -(KNOCKING ON DOOR) -Who's there? 362 00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:32,963 TOMMY: It... It's me. Um, Tommy Nash. 363 00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:34,924 Oh, come in, dear. 364 00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:38,177 Oh, hello. Come and sit down. 365 00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:42,765 Um, Miss Joyce, this is Carol Fortescue, 366 00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:44,850 the girl i told you about 367 00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,019 I'm afraid i'm intruding. 368 00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:49,397 Oh, not at all. How do you do? 369 00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:51,315 How do you do? 370 00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:53,693 Miss Joyce, will you tell Carol 371 00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:58,406 that practically the only thing we did on the desert was fight? 372 00:19:58,489 --> 00:19:59,949 (CHUCKLES) Oh, so that's it. 373 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,951 Come and sit down, won't you? 374 00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:03,869 Tommy's a very nice boy. 375 00:20:03,953 --> 00:20:05,454 I only annoyed him. 376 00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:06,747 He loves you very much. 377 00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:08,082 Why, thank you. 378 00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,043 Missy, him belong you? 379 00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:13,796 Oh, Tommy, they must be yours. 380 00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:16,006 (HESITATINGLY) Uh, yes. 381 00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:18,008 Well, that's funny. 382 00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:19,468 Very. 383 00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:21,262 Oh, Tommy. 384 00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:23,973 Oh. 385 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:26,350 I'm so sorry. 386 00:20:26,434 --> 00:20:27,852 I packed these by mistake 387 00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:29,228 this morning in the desert. 388 00:20:30,104 --> 00:20:33,774 We... We must have got our shorts tangled up. 389 00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:36,444 (CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY) I mean... 390 00:20:37,528 --> 00:20:40,197 Missy, you want me washee? 391 00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:44,160 I can tell you exactly what happened... 392 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,870 Don't trouble. I can imagine. 393 00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:47,329 Carol... 394 00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:48,998 "Purely platonic." 395 00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:51,792 You're gonna have to do something about this. 396 00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:53,627 -I'll do my best, Tommy. -Yeah. 397 00:20:53,711 --> 00:20:55,045 Carol! 398 00:20:57,131 --> 00:20:59,175 Carol. Carol. 399 00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:02,511 Carol, darling. 400 00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,305 I love you. 401 00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:06,307 It was her suggestion. 402 00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:09,727 Why, i kept thinking of you all the time. 403 00:21:10,728 --> 00:21:13,022 Why, she can't even cook. 404 00:21:19,153 --> 00:21:22,448 Yes, really, (CHUCKLES) this is Dr. Burns' office. 405 00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,658 No, the doctor isn't in just now. 406 00:21:24,742 --> 00:21:27,828 Oh, he won't be back for a long, long time. 407 00:21:27,912 --> 00:21:30,122 He went out on one of those "eternity" cases. 408 00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:31,624 Yeah, all right. 409 00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:50,726 Any calls for me while i was out, Miss Allen? 410 00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:51,894 Oh, yes, Doctor. 411 00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:54,063 My cousin just phoned. He wants you to come right over. 412 00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:55,815 He fell off an ironing board. 413 00:21:55,898 --> 00:21:57,274 Your cousin fell off an ironing board? 414 00:21:57,358 --> 00:21:58,567 Yeah. He was pressing his pants, 415 00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:00,194 and he forgot to take 'em off. 416 00:22:00,277 --> 00:22:02,112 Read your paper and don't annoy me, Miss Allen. 417 00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:12,164 Uh, have you seen my stethoscope? 418 00:22:12,248 --> 00:22:14,583 Oh, not now, Doctor. I'll look at it later. 419 00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:15,918 You'll look at it later? 420 00:22:16,001 --> 00:22:18,254 Yeah. Doctor, what's the difference 421 00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:21,966 between a helicopter and an autogyro? 422 00:22:22,049 --> 00:22:23,926 I don't know. You can't play a helicopter. 423 00:22:24,009 --> 00:22:26,929 You can't? Well, that certainly is a surprise to me. 424 00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:28,806 I knew it would be. What are you reading? 425 00:22:28,889 --> 00:22:30,975 Well, i'm reading about this Professor Quail. 426 00:22:31,058 --> 00:22:32,643 You know, he flown the ocean. 427 00:22:32,726 --> 00:22:34,061 -He what? -He flown the ocean. 428 00:22:34,144 --> 00:22:35,437 No, no, no. He didn't flown. 429 00:22:35,521 --> 00:22:37,022 You wouldn't say he has flew? 430 00:22:37,106 --> 00:22:38,232 He has flu? 431 00:22:38,315 --> 00:22:40,109 Well, you could never tell it by this picture. 432 00:22:40,192 --> 00:22:41,527 Look, he has great big, fat cheeks... 433 00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:43,070 Listen, Miss Allen, don't annoy me. 434 00:22:43,153 --> 00:22:45,239 -I know, but, look, he has big... -Stop. 435 00:22:45,322 --> 00:22:48,200 I have a very important appendicitis case on my mind. 436 00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:50,661 Oh, yeah? My brother had appendicitis. 437 00:22:50,744 --> 00:22:53,038 It left a very bad scar on his neck. 438 00:22:53,122 --> 00:22:55,040 -Appendicitis on the neck? -Yeah. 439 00:22:55,124 --> 00:22:57,167 -Appendicitis is on the stomach. -Yeah, i know. 440 00:22:57,251 --> 00:22:58,878 But he was so ticklish, they had to operate up there. 441 00:22:58,961 --> 00:23:00,588 Oh, yes, I see what you mean. 442 00:23:00,671 --> 00:23:02,339 Couldn't take it. He'd have died laughing. 443 00:23:02,423 --> 00:23:05,301 Yes. We're glad anyhow he went to the hospital. 444 00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:07,177 Now there's more room for the old woman. 445 00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:09,430 Your mother, i guess? No, no. The old woman 446 00:23:09,513 --> 00:23:11,181 who's been living with us for five weeks. 447 00:23:11,265 --> 00:23:14,018 -Your aunt? -No. We don't even know her. 448 00:23:14,101 --> 00:23:16,979 Oh. A strange old woman lives in your house, and nobody knows her. 449 00:23:17,062 --> 00:23:19,481 Yeah. My brother won her at a raffle. 450 00:23:20,149 --> 00:23:22,401 Your brother won an old woman at a raffle? 451 00:23:22,484 --> 00:23:25,195 Yeah. They ran a raffle for a poor old woman. And he won. 452 00:23:25,279 --> 00:23:26,822 -And he won. - I see. 453 00:23:26,906 --> 00:23:29,199 You certainly have a lot of fun home. You people live like fools. 454 00:23:29,283 --> 00:23:31,118 -Yeah. You know what happened last night? -What? 455 00:23:31,201 --> 00:23:32,620 Well, last night, in the middle of the night, 456 00:23:32,703 --> 00:23:34,997 my cousin woke up and gave out a big scream. 457 00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:36,373 Something happened, and she screamed right out, huh? 458 00:23:36,457 --> 00:23:39,209 Yeah, she looked down at her legs, and they were all black. 459 00:23:39,293 --> 00:23:41,045 -Her legs turned black? -Yeah. 460 00:23:41,128 --> 00:23:42,630 -Well, what did you do? -What did we do? 461 00:23:42,713 --> 00:23:44,131 We sent for a doctor of course! 462 00:23:44,214 --> 00:23:46,175 -You sent for a doctor? -Of course. 463 00:23:46,258 --> 00:23:48,093 Well, what did the doctor do? 464 00:23:48,177 --> 00:23:50,262 Well, he took off her stockings, 465 00:23:50,346 --> 00:23:52,014 and then we all went to sleep again. 466 00:23:52,097 --> 00:23:54,266 (GIGGLING) Ah. 467 00:23:54,350 --> 00:23:56,352 Listen, Miss Allen. You're sitting on my stethoscope. 468 00:23:56,435 --> 00:23:58,270 Yeah... Oh, Doctor. 469 00:24:01,023 --> 00:24:02,816 Well, what are you doing? 470 00:24:02,900 --> 00:24:05,653 Oh, Doctor, i can hear my heartbeat. (GIGGLING) 471 00:24:05,736 --> 00:24:07,196 Yeah... Ooh! 472 00:24:12,076 --> 00:24:13,535 Carol! 473 00:24:14,870 --> 00:24:16,789 You've got to listen to me. 474 00:24:16,872 --> 00:24:20,376 No, i don't. Miss Joyce has explained everything to me. 475 00:24:20,459 --> 00:24:22,836 Sweetheart. Oh. 476 00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,047 Let's get married today, right away. 477 00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:26,423 Won't you get sick again? 478 00:24:26,507 --> 00:24:28,258 Oh, there's not a chance of that. 479 00:24:28,342 --> 00:24:29,802 I'm immune. I've got papers that prove it. 480 00:24:29,885 --> 00:24:32,054 Never mind, dear. 481 00:24:32,137 --> 00:24:34,640 Tommy! Your cheek. 482 00:24:34,723 --> 00:24:35,975 What's the matter? 483 00:24:36,058 --> 00:24:37,393 It's burning. 484 00:24:37,893 --> 00:24:39,603 Oh, i'm just excited. 485 00:24:39,687 --> 00:24:41,438 And your hands, they're cold. 486 00:24:41,522 --> 00:24:44,024 Oh, Tommy, you're not going to get sick again? 487 00:24:44,108 --> 00:24:46,193 Aw, not a chance. I have papers that... 488 00:24:46,276 --> 00:24:48,612 Pardon me, but i happen to be the house physician. 489 00:24:48,696 --> 00:24:50,030 Well, i have papers that prove... 490 00:24:50,114 --> 00:24:52,449 I know, i know. Let me see your tongue. 491 00:24:52,533 --> 00:24:54,743 -Um, say "Ah.". -Aw... 492 00:24:54,868 --> 00:24:57,329 No, no. Not "Aw." Say "Ah." 493 00:24:57,413 --> 00:25:00,040 -Ah. -Mmm. I thought so. 494 00:25:00,124 --> 00:25:02,292 Aw, now listen, Doctor. I've got... 495 00:25:02,376 --> 00:25:04,837 -I know. Measles, young man. -Measles. 496 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,965 I'll get my nurse. Miss Allen. Miss Allen. 497 00:25:10,342 --> 00:25:11,969 -Miss Allen. Miss Allen. -Yes? 498 00:25:12,094 --> 00:25:13,846 There's a man outside with a rash. 499 00:25:13,929 --> 00:25:15,806 With a rash? Is it this year's model? 500 00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:17,766 With freewheeling and floating power? 501 00:25:17,850 --> 00:25:21,270 -Or is it last year's... -Yes... No. It's a coupé. You know what a coupé is. 502 00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:23,313 Oh, sure. My father's got one. 503 00:25:23,397 --> 00:25:24,815 Only he parts his in the middle. 504 00:25:24,898 --> 00:25:29,278 He parts a cou... There's a man outside with a rash in the rotunda. 505 00:25:29,361 --> 00:25:31,989 Well, it certainly takes all kinds of people to make a world. 506 00:25:32,072 --> 00:25:34,366 -Don't you think so? -I think so. 507 00:25:35,909 --> 00:25:39,079 Measles! I had them when i was three years old. 508 00:25:39,163 --> 00:25:41,790 It can't be the measles. I'm immune. 509 00:25:41,874 --> 00:25:43,500 -You're impossible. -Now, Carol... 510 00:25:43,584 --> 00:25:44,877 Miss Allen, this is the patient. 511 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,796 -Undress him and put him to bed. -Oh, Doctor. 512 00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:51,175 But, Doctor, i can't go to bed. I'm not married yet. 513 00:25:51,258 --> 00:25:54,344 -Undress him and put him to bed. -Oh, at his age. 514 00:25:54,428 --> 00:25:56,263 Listen. Carol, sweetheart... 515 00:25:56,346 --> 00:25:59,683 Tommy, don't you see? We'll never be married. You... 516 00:25:59,767 --> 00:26:02,478 You just can't stand the strain. 517 00:26:02,561 --> 00:26:04,271 -But, Carol, i can... -Come here. Take him. 518 00:26:04,354 --> 00:26:07,733 -Listen... -Oh, i love to hear of people getting married. 519 00:26:07,816 --> 00:26:10,986 -Yes. -You know, i had a wire from my sister today. 520 00:26:11,070 --> 00:26:13,280 She has a brand-new little baby. 521 00:26:13,363 --> 00:26:14,865 -She's married, you know. -She's married. 522 00:26:14,948 --> 00:26:15,949 -Yeah. -Oh. 523 00:26:16,033 --> 00:26:17,618 Is it a little girl or a boy? 524 00:26:17,701 --> 00:26:20,204 Well, i don't know yet, and i'm dying to find out 525 00:26:20,287 --> 00:26:22,498 whether i'm an uncle or an aunt. 526 00:26:22,581 --> 00:26:26,126 -(GIGGLING) -Hey. Hey, listen, Doctor. You've got my hat. 527 00:26:27,461 --> 00:26:29,963 Nash, the American representative. 528 00:26:32,007 --> 00:26:36,011 I have an idea. 529 00:26:36,095 --> 00:26:38,180 Where is the office of the Health Inspector? 530 00:26:38,263 --> 00:26:39,598 Are we going to talk to him? 531 00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:41,433 I myself will talk to him. 532 00:26:42,184 --> 00:26:45,813 This American has a contagious disease, 533 00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:49,358 so Inspector Sun should be notified at once. 534 00:26:52,945 --> 00:26:55,114 (SPEAKING LOCAL LANGUAGE) 535 00:27:09,962 --> 00:27:12,506 Ladies and gentlemen, 536 00:27:12,589 --> 00:27:15,467 for your pleasure, we will present our dancing girls, 537 00:27:15,551 --> 00:27:19,054 who will give you pleasure in a novelty number, 538 00:27:19,138 --> 00:27:21,431 which i hope will give you pleasure. 539 00:27:21,515 --> 00:27:23,183 (GIGGLING) 540 00:27:29,606 --> 00:27:31,650 MAN: (SINGING) She was a china teacup 541 00:27:31,733 --> 00:27:34,236 ♪ And he was a coffee mug ♪ 542 00:27:34,319 --> 00:27:39,199 ♪ When he would see that teacup it gave his heart a tug ♪ 543 00:27:39,283 --> 00:27:44,079 ♪ She was a-way above him high up on another shelf ♪ 544 00:27:44,163 --> 00:27:48,292 ♪ Still, he was sure she'd love him if he declared himself ♪ 545 00:27:48,375 --> 00:27:53,380 ♪ So, one day on the table he was at her side by chance ♪ 546 00:27:53,463 --> 00:27:58,218 ♪ He seized this opportunity to start his big romance ♪ 547 00:27:58,302 --> 00:28:03,265 ♪ But when he began to speak up she gave him a nasty shrug ♪ 548 00:28:03,348 --> 00:28:08,103 ♪ For she was a china teacup and he was just a mug ♪ 549 00:28:13,525 --> 00:28:15,986 ♪ The kettle on the hearth would sing to him ♪ 550 00:28:16,069 --> 00:28:18,238 ♪ A swoony little spoon would cling to him ♪ 551 00:28:18,363 --> 00:28:20,782 ♪ A napkin even offered her ring to him ♪ 552 00:28:20,866 --> 00:28:23,368 ♪ But none of these girls meant a thing to him ♪ 553 00:28:24,077 --> 00:28:29,208 ♪ A sugar bowl, sweetest little soul wanted to console him ♪ 554 00:28:29,416 --> 00:28:33,795 ♪ But he was set on just one goal and no one could control him ♪ 555 00:28:34,463 --> 00:28:38,884 ♪ There was a saucy saucer who met him at every meal ♪ 556 00:28:39,092 --> 00:28:43,347 ♪ She was a torso tosser with lots of sex appeal ♪ 557 00:28:43,430 --> 00:28:46,308 ♪ Our handsome hero spurned their love ♪ 558 00:28:46,391 --> 00:28:48,268 ♪ They could not make him stir ♪ 559 00:28:48,352 --> 00:28:53,148 ♪ Although they had the kind of charm that gentlemen prefer ♪ 560 00:28:53,232 --> 00:28:58,320 ♪ So all through the day, he'd peek up at somebody proud and smug ♪ 561 00:28:58,654 --> 00:29:03,033 ♪ She was a china teacup and he was just a mug ♪ 562 00:30:45,969 --> 00:30:47,554 (ALL APPLAUDING) 563 00:30:47,637 --> 00:30:50,057 MAN: Oh, there's Peggy Joyce. 564 00:30:50,140 --> 00:30:51,975 (ALL MURMURING) 565 00:30:57,230 --> 00:31:02,110 I can materialize anything anywhere at any time. 566 00:31:02,194 --> 00:31:04,780 (AUTOGYRO WHIRRING) The radiosco... 567 00:31:04,863 --> 00:31:07,908 The radioscope needs no broadcast station, 568 00:31:07,991 --> 00:31:11,411 and no... no carrier waves are necessary. 569 00:31:11,495 --> 00:31:15,874 It is... No electrical transmission is... 570 00:31:27,844 --> 00:31:31,223 Goodness! Well! Uh! 571 00:31:31,306 --> 00:31:33,100 QUAIL: Hello below! 572 00:31:33,475 --> 00:31:37,020 Is this Kansas City, Kansas, or Kansas City, Missouri? 573 00:31:40,565 --> 00:31:42,818 -(CLATTERING) -(WOMEN SCREAMING) 574 00:31:52,119 --> 00:31:54,663 Hey! Where am i? 575 00:31:54,955 --> 00:31:58,583 -Wu-Hu! -Whoo-hoo to you, sweetheart. 576 00:31:59,042 --> 00:32:02,629 -Hey, Charlie. Where am i? -Wu-Hu! 577 00:32:04,506 --> 00:32:07,092 Don't let the posy fool you. 578 00:32:07,175 --> 00:32:08,343 Where am i? 579 00:32:08,427 --> 00:32:10,720 This is a roof garden at the International House. 580 00:32:11,012 --> 00:32:13,890 Never mind the details. What town is it? 581 00:32:14,433 --> 00:32:16,184 This is Wu-Hu, China. 582 00:32:16,268 --> 00:32:17,978 Then what am i doing here? 583 00:32:18,061 --> 00:32:19,104 Well, how should i know? 584 00:32:19,187 --> 00:32:21,982 Well, what is Wu-Hu doing where Kansas City ought to be? 585 00:32:23,108 --> 00:32:24,276 Maybe you're lost. 586 00:32:24,651 --> 00:32:27,654 Kansas City is lost. I am here. 587 00:32:27,863 --> 00:32:29,364 WOMAN: Ooh! 588 00:32:32,951 --> 00:32:35,036 Turn on those lights! 589 00:32:36,246 --> 00:32:39,166 Turn on the lights! Give us li... 590 00:32:40,584 --> 00:32:42,586 Now can you see anything? 591 00:32:42,919 --> 00:32:44,796 Practically everything. 592 00:32:45,213 --> 00:32:47,382 Honored visitor, i welcome you. 593 00:32:47,466 --> 00:32:49,342 I was afraid you might not arrive. 594 00:32:49,426 --> 00:32:52,929 Here too. I ran out of the last bottle of beer just a minute ago. 595 00:32:53,013 --> 00:32:56,308 Now that you are here, honored American representative, 596 00:32:56,391 --> 00:32:59,728 will you deign to accept my unworthy hospitality? 597 00:32:59,811 --> 00:33:01,813 Make mine a small beer. 598 00:33:02,105 --> 00:33:05,108 -Where will we park it, sweets? -Over here. 599 00:33:06,735 --> 00:33:08,528 Why do you wear a silk hat? 600 00:33:08,612 --> 00:33:11,114 Lends dignity, my beauty. It lends dignity. 601 00:33:11,740 --> 00:33:13,074 Sit down. 602 00:33:13,658 --> 00:33:16,036 Sit down. Sit down. 603 00:33:20,540 --> 00:33:22,167 Ladies and gentlemen, my presence here 604 00:33:22,250 --> 00:33:25,128 is due to a slight error in navigation. 605 00:33:27,672 --> 00:33:31,009 I took the needle off my compass to darn a pair of socks. 606 00:33:31,092 --> 00:33:34,429 Since that time, i've been flying completely by ear. 607 00:33:34,846 --> 00:33:37,390 -Waiter. -For goodness sake. 608 00:33:38,141 --> 00:33:40,101 Well, sweet buttercup... 609 00:33:42,896 --> 00:33:44,940 Now that i'm here and see what's to be had, 610 00:33:45,023 --> 00:33:46,858 i shall dally in the valley. 611 00:33:46,942 --> 00:33:49,236 And believe me, i can dally. 612 00:33:49,319 --> 00:33:52,155 Oh. Not "dally." You mean "deli." 613 00:33:52,239 --> 00:33:54,241 -Dally. -No, it's deli. Look. 614 00:33:54,324 --> 00:33:56,993 (SINGING) ♪ Hi-ho, the derry-o the farmer in the deli ♪ 615 00:33:57,077 --> 00:33:58,245 It's deli. 616 00:33:58,537 --> 00:34:00,497 What's the penalty for murder in China? 617 00:34:00,580 --> 00:34:02,958 Oh, now, don't tell me. Let me think of the answer. 618 00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:05,919 -Um... -Stop it. Stop it. What's on your mind? 619 00:34:06,002 --> 00:34:09,339 Well, Dr. Burns says there's a bone pressing on my brain. 620 00:34:09,422 --> 00:34:11,049 But it doesn't bother me. Really. 621 00:34:11,132 --> 00:34:13,093 Doesn't bother her. Daffy. 622 00:34:13,176 --> 00:34:18,431 Oh, that one goes, "Daffy down dilly, bats in the belfry, ding-dong." 623 00:34:18,515 --> 00:34:20,183 Now ask me another one. 624 00:34:20,267 --> 00:34:22,143 Oh, Professor, before you go to sleep, 625 00:34:22,227 --> 00:34:23,937 will you write me your autograph? 626 00:34:24,020 --> 00:34:26,314 I'd like to write your epitaph. 627 00:34:27,148 --> 00:34:28,483 And th... 628 00:34:29,901 --> 00:34:32,821 -There. -Yeah. Oh, i can't see it. 629 00:34:32,904 --> 00:34:34,781 How unfortunate. 630 00:34:35,615 --> 00:34:37,242 You can see it now, can't you? 631 00:34:40,579 --> 00:34:44,666 (LAUGHS) Oh, look! Professor Quail, you forgot to cross the "T." 632 00:34:44,749 --> 00:34:46,876 (LAUGHS) You're a silly man. 633 00:34:54,551 --> 00:34:56,219 That wren's cuckoo. 634 00:35:00,056 --> 00:35:01,766 Good gracious! Water. 635 00:35:04,769 --> 00:35:05,770 (CHUCKLES) Pardon me. 636 00:35:09,107 --> 00:35:10,692 (ENGINE BACKFIRES) 637 00:35:11,443 --> 00:35:13,278 I was afraid that might be my husband. 638 00:35:13,361 --> 00:35:15,530 -Husband? -Divorced. 639 00:35:15,614 --> 00:35:18,325 Oh, then you're in a position to listen to a proposal. 640 00:35:18,408 --> 00:35:20,660 Allow me to offer my congratulations. 641 00:35:20,744 --> 00:35:22,662 Dr. Wong, Professor Quail. 642 00:35:22,746 --> 00:35:25,373 -Oh. How, chief. -(LAUGHS) 643 00:35:25,665 --> 00:35:27,542 Won't you join me in a glass of wine? 644 00:35:27,626 --> 00:35:29,753 You get in first, and if there's room enough, i'll join you. 645 00:35:29,836 --> 00:35:30,920 (GIGGLES) 646 00:35:32,714 --> 00:35:35,759 Ladies and gentlemen... I'll take a bottle of beer. 647 00:35:37,552 --> 00:35:40,138 I have a very unpleasant announcement to make. 648 00:35:40,221 --> 00:35:44,476 (CLEARS THROAT) One of our guests, Mr. Thomas Nash, is ill. 649 00:35:44,559 --> 00:35:46,936 And Inspector Sun, the local health official, 650 00:35:47,020 --> 00:35:49,522 has seen fit to declare a quarantine. 651 00:35:49,606 --> 00:35:53,902 No one will be permitted to enter or leave the hotel until further notice. 652 00:35:53,985 --> 00:35:56,488 Just a moment, please. 653 00:35:56,571 --> 00:35:58,490 Due to this unexpected situation, 654 00:35:58,573 --> 00:36:01,951 I shall postpone the demonstration of my radioscope... 655 00:36:02,035 --> 00:36:04,913 Until 10:00 this evening in my suite. 656 00:36:04,996 --> 00:36:06,748 (ALL CLAMORING) 657 00:36:07,624 --> 00:36:09,918 MAN: I've got to get to Hong Kong in the morning. 658 00:36:10,001 --> 00:36:13,213 Hadn't you better notify the consulate in Shanghai? 659 00:36:13,296 --> 00:36:16,341 By Jove, the consulate. Of course. 660 00:36:32,315 --> 00:36:34,693 Professor, aren't you going to register? 661 00:36:34,901 --> 00:36:36,945 Yes. Where are you going to sleep tonight? 662 00:36:37,028 --> 00:36:40,573 I'm going to sleep on my right side with my mouth open. 663 00:36:40,782 --> 00:36:42,200 Wide open. 664 00:36:42,742 --> 00:36:45,203 I always sleep on my stomach. 665 00:36:45,745 --> 00:36:47,747 Don't you find it gets all wrinkled? 666 00:36:47,831 --> 00:36:51,084 Most amusing. Uh, if you can't get a room, 667 00:36:51,543 --> 00:36:54,796 will you share the hospitality of my apartment? 668 00:36:54,879 --> 00:36:57,424 Thanks. Do i hear any other offers? 669 00:36:58,550 --> 00:37:02,095 Here's your chance to have a laugh on every other girl in the world. 670 00:37:02,178 --> 00:37:04,973 Okay, sold to the gentleman with the wrinkled stomach. 671 00:37:05,056 --> 00:37:08,518 (CHUCKLES) Well, i must get my portmanteau. 672 00:37:14,649 --> 00:37:15,942 Oh! 673 00:37:16,943 --> 00:37:18,903 Remarkable! 674 00:37:19,279 --> 00:37:23,992 But why? Why carry an automobile in an airplane? 675 00:37:24,075 --> 00:37:28,079 For side trips. Besides, the lighter in the plane would never work. 676 00:37:28,163 --> 00:37:29,956 So i bought this. 677 00:37:35,086 --> 00:37:36,838 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 678 00:37:47,807 --> 00:37:50,435 Gangway, please. Gangway! Come on there. 679 00:37:50,769 --> 00:37:52,771 I've got to register. 680 00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:54,689 Are you there? 681 00:37:56,733 --> 00:37:58,026 (BELL DINGS) 682 00:38:01,070 --> 00:38:02,489 (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) 683 00:38:02,655 --> 00:38:04,657 What kind of a trap is this? 684 00:38:05,575 --> 00:38:07,827 Looks like a Chinese noodle swamp. 685 00:38:11,831 --> 00:38:13,833 HOTEL MANAGER: Oh! Please! 686 00:38:15,168 --> 00:38:16,419 Phew! 687 00:38:28,431 --> 00:38:29,474 (GASPS) 688 00:38:35,772 --> 00:38:37,732 Hey, what kind of a hotel is this? 689 00:38:37,816 --> 00:38:42,237 Quarantine, foreigners, scratchy fountain pens. 690 00:38:43,655 --> 00:38:44,906 (GASPS) 691 00:38:46,241 --> 00:38:48,201 How am i gonna register? 692 00:38:49,369 --> 00:38:50,995 I'm the manager of this hotel. 693 00:38:51,079 --> 00:38:53,665 I wouldn't brag about it if i were you. 694 00:38:53,748 --> 00:38:56,584 We have no more rooms. The place is filled to capacity. 695 00:38:56,668 --> 00:38:59,671 Then where am i gonna sleep on my right side? 696 00:38:59,754 --> 00:39:03,341 I would suggest that you get in that windmill of yours and depart. 697 00:39:03,424 --> 00:39:06,094 Is it possible that i am not wanted in this flop joint? 698 00:39:06,177 --> 00:39:07,387 Undoubtedly. 699 00:39:07,470 --> 00:39:09,556 -Gangway! -Please! 700 00:39:10,932 --> 00:39:12,684 -No rooms, eh? -No. 701 00:39:13,476 --> 00:39:15,728 -(CRASHING) -Oh! 702 00:39:15,812 --> 00:39:18,815 There you are. You brought it on yourself. You see? 703 00:39:22,819 --> 00:39:23,862 Oh! 704 00:39:23,945 --> 00:39:27,949 Young man, if you're not very careful, you're gonna lose my trade. 705 00:39:31,744 --> 00:39:33,663 Uncouth person. 706 00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:36,249 -Manager! Manager! -Yes, yes, yes, yes. 707 00:39:36,332 --> 00:39:39,627 I have been unconnected. Get me Berlin. 708 00:39:39,711 --> 00:39:41,671 -Oh, yes, yes. Mr. Brown? -Yes, Sir. 709 00:39:41,754 --> 00:39:43,965 -Get the house electrician. -No, get Berlin. 710 00:39:44,048 --> 00:39:46,092 -Uh, Mr. Brown, no, no, no. Get Berlin. -I can't get Berlin. 711 00:39:46,175 --> 00:39:47,927 -Get Berlin! Get Germany! -I can't get Berlin. 712 00:39:48,011 --> 00:39:50,471 -Oh, get me a cup of tea. -Yes, Sir. 713 00:39:53,057 --> 00:39:55,059 (ALL GASP) 714 00:39:56,895 --> 00:39:59,772 I'll be a nervous wreck before this day is... is over. I have never... 715 00:39:59,856 --> 00:40:02,817 448. 518. Seven... 716 00:40:02,901 --> 00:40:05,737 "Dear Mother, having a gorgeous time." Oh, my. What am i doing? 717 00:40:30,261 --> 00:40:31,888 Wait! Wait! Come back! 718 00:40:31,971 --> 00:40:34,223 I've gotta get in touch with Dr. Wong, and the phone's dead. 719 00:40:34,307 --> 00:40:36,684 -All phones dead. -Now, he's expecting me. 720 00:40:36,768 --> 00:40:38,227 I've got to get word to him. 721 00:40:38,311 --> 00:40:39,812 No can do. You're outta your head. 722 00:40:39,896 --> 00:40:41,314 Aw! 723 00:40:42,732 --> 00:40:44,734 -Go back to bed. -All right. 724 00:40:51,449 --> 00:40:54,327 -Hey! Hey! -Now, look here! 725 00:40:54,410 --> 00:40:56,955 -(SPEAKING LOCAL LANGUAGE) -Listen here, will ya? 726 00:40:57,455 --> 00:40:59,040 (SPEAKING LOCAL LANGUAGE) 727 00:41:08,716 --> 00:41:10,635 I must go in. My wife! My business! 728 00:41:10,718 --> 00:41:12,095 No one can enter. 729 00:41:12,553 --> 00:41:16,516 You were only supposed to guarantine one room, not the entire hotel. 730 00:41:16,599 --> 00:41:18,476 Whole hotel is quarantined. 731 00:41:18,559 --> 00:41:20,645 Where i'm going to sleep? 732 00:41:20,728 --> 00:41:23,356 The Lotus Garden is not quarantined. 733 00:41:28,361 --> 00:41:30,822 -That's a horrible place. -Terrible. 734 00:41:34,367 --> 00:41:37,787 And he was wearing a tall silk hat and carrying a cane. 735 00:41:37,870 --> 00:41:39,330 That's the man. The Professor. 736 00:41:39,414 --> 00:41:40,623 He opened every door on my floor, 737 00:41:40,707 --> 00:41:42,291 and i insist upon something being done about it. 738 00:41:42,375 --> 00:41:43,710 You are quite right. 739 00:41:43,793 --> 00:41:46,004 -(ALL CLAMORING) -Front! Front! Front, upstairs. 740 00:41:46,337 --> 00:41:48,548 -Oh, Mr. Brown. Order me some tea. -Yes, Sir. 741 00:41:52,844 --> 00:41:55,388 Just so, just so, just so. 742 00:42:04,355 --> 00:42:06,733 What won't they think of next? 743 00:42:07,358 --> 00:42:09,652 (MAN ON RADIO SPEAKING CANTONESE) 744 00:42:12,447 --> 00:42:16,284 It is now exactly 10:15, Chinese Standard Time. 745 00:42:16,367 --> 00:42:19,537 10:14. Correction, 10:14. 746 00:42:19,871 --> 00:42:23,708 You will now hear Ah-Fui and his manly Mandarin. 747 00:42:24,542 --> 00:42:27,795 This is station PI, the voice of Long Tong. 748 00:42:28,463 --> 00:42:30,298 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 749 00:43:59,679 --> 00:44:03,141 The voice of Long Tong signing off. Good night. 750 00:44:08,187 --> 00:44:09,272 (SNORING) 751 00:44:12,275 --> 00:44:13,943 (CONTINUES SNORING) 752 00:44:19,031 --> 00:44:20,116 (SCREAMS) 753 00:44:24,871 --> 00:44:26,205 Oh, it's you. 754 00:44:26,539 --> 00:44:29,250 What's your idea of bleating in my room that way? 755 00:44:29,458 --> 00:44:31,294 -Your room? -Yes, my room. 756 00:44:31,377 --> 00:44:34,881 Aren't you ashamed of yourself, arousing the entire hotel? 757 00:44:35,173 --> 00:44:36,174 Miss Joyce. 758 00:44:36,465 --> 00:44:39,719 There you are, you see? Now one of us has gotta get out. 759 00:44:39,802 --> 00:44:41,220 Will you hurry? 760 00:44:41,971 --> 00:44:44,223 I don't know how you got in here in the first place. 761 00:44:46,017 --> 00:44:48,603 Miss Joyce. Miss Joyce, are you quite safe? 762 00:44:48,686 --> 00:44:50,521 Just a minute, please. 763 00:44:51,439 --> 00:44:53,316 When the excitement dies down, 764 00:44:53,399 --> 00:44:56,235 I'll be right back, my little calliope. 765 00:44:58,321 --> 00:45:01,282 Don't forget. Tap on the window as soon as the chumps leave. 766 00:45:16,964 --> 00:45:18,299 (GUNSHOT) 767 00:45:19,675 --> 00:45:23,179 Can't hit a moving target, eh? Gosh, what a shock. 768 00:45:24,305 --> 00:45:27,099 And now, ladies and gentlemen, 769 00:45:27,183 --> 00:45:29,602 the six-day bicycle race. 770 00:45:33,814 --> 00:45:35,483 (ALL MURMURING) 771 00:45:38,819 --> 00:45:41,822 My friend, your clothes. 772 00:45:42,448 --> 00:45:44,450 Huh? Yeah. Yeah, oh, yeah. 773 00:45:44,659 --> 00:45:47,036 That's the trouble of dressing on a dark fire escape. 774 00:45:47,912 --> 00:45:49,330 (LAUGHTER) 775 00:45:50,456 --> 00:45:51,666 The lights. 776 00:46:04,971 --> 00:46:06,430 (BIRD CUCKOOS) 777 00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:09,225 (RINGING) 778 00:46:12,353 --> 00:46:14,522 (WHISTLES) 779 00:46:14,647 --> 00:46:16,357 (SNORING) 780 00:46:17,108 --> 00:46:18,776 (WHISTLES) 781 00:46:18,859 --> 00:46:20,861 (ALARM CONTINUES RINGING) 782 00:46:22,238 --> 00:46:25,574 Well, Budd, i see you're still in the same old fog. 783 00:46:33,582 --> 00:46:35,209 Success at last. 784 00:46:35,543 --> 00:46:37,086 Huh? What's that? 785 00:46:37,712 --> 00:46:40,256 Don't you know what that is? That's my new directional alarm clock. 786 00:46:40,339 --> 00:46:43,092 You see, i turn the bell this way, and it wakes me up. 787 00:46:43,175 --> 00:46:45,845 And i turn it that way, and it wakes you up. 788 00:46:48,431 --> 00:46:50,850 This is my patented revolving goldfish bowl. 789 00:46:50,933 --> 00:46:52,518 Does, uh... How does that work? 790 00:46:52,601 --> 00:46:54,645 Well, you put this thing on here like that, you see? 791 00:46:54,729 --> 00:46:56,397 That's for tired goldfish. 792 00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:59,025 The bowl revolves, so the fish doesn't have to swim. 793 00:47:00,693 --> 00:47:03,321 -That's peachy. -No, Stoopnocracy is peachy. 794 00:47:07,116 --> 00:47:08,701 ANNOUNCER: The one-and-only Rudy Vallee, 795 00:47:08,784 --> 00:47:11,829 singing his latest song hit to his first love. 796 00:47:16,917 --> 00:47:20,296 ♪ Good night ♪ 797 00:47:20,379 --> 00:47:24,842 ♪ My heart and i are bidding you good night ♪ 798 00:47:24,925 --> 00:47:29,513 ♪ I love you and because you love me too ♪ 799 00:47:29,597 --> 00:47:35,227 ♪ I pray and say thank heaven for you ♪ 800 00:47:36,437 --> 00:47:38,939 ♪ I'll dream ♪ 801 00:47:39,565 --> 00:47:43,944 ♪ And you will be in everything i dream ♪ 802 00:47:44,236 --> 00:47:48,282 ♪ The way you are in everything i do ♪ 803 00:47:48,657 --> 00:47:54,330 ♪ That's why i say thank heaven for you ♪ 804 00:47:56,248 --> 00:48:00,419 ♪ You are my own Just i alone ♪ 805 00:48:00,503 --> 00:48:04,632 ♪ Caress you with tender fingertips ♪ 806 00:48:05,591 --> 00:48:09,512 ♪ When you are near true and sincere ♪ 807 00:48:10,096 --> 00:48:15,184 ♪ You bring a song to my lips ♪ 808 00:48:15,643 --> 00:48:18,562 ♪ So rest ♪ 809 00:48:18,646 --> 00:48:22,775 ♪ And if my prayers are answered you'll be blessed ♪ 810 00:48:23,442 --> 00:48:27,488 ♪ And i'll be blessed each night my whole life through ♪ 811 00:48:28,072 --> 00:48:34,453 ♪ And so i say thank heaven for you ♪ 812 00:48:35,371 --> 00:48:39,041 ♪ You are my own Just i alone ♪ 813 00:48:41,001 --> 00:48:42,837 They're stupefied. 814 00:48:43,796 --> 00:48:45,297 They're roasted. 815 00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:50,553 ♪ You bring a song to my heart ♪ 816 00:48:50,636 --> 00:48:53,180 How long's this dog fight been going on? 817 00:48:53,264 --> 00:48:55,307 Don't interrupt my number. 818 00:48:56,100 --> 00:48:57,810 Hold your tongue and sit down. 819 00:48:59,437 --> 00:49:02,898 Hold your breath and lie down, you howling hyena. 820 00:49:05,943 --> 00:49:07,653 ♪ And so i say ♪ 821 00:49:07,736 --> 00:49:08,737 You insist? 822 00:49:08,821 --> 00:49:12,533 ♪ Thank heaven for you ♪ 823 00:49:15,077 --> 00:49:17,288 -(BURSTS) (ALL SCREAMING) 824 00:49:17,371 --> 00:49:19,039 (ALL CLAMORING) 825 00:49:19,248 --> 00:49:20,666 My screen! 826 00:49:35,389 --> 00:49:36,974 (ALL GASPING) 827 00:49:54,325 --> 00:49:55,576 Not a wink of sleep all night. 828 00:49:55,659 --> 00:49:58,746 Every time i closed my eyes, that pounding and cursing started. 829 00:49:58,829 --> 00:50:00,748 General Petronovich was locked out. 830 00:50:00,998 --> 00:50:02,333 There is no use lying. 831 00:50:02,416 --> 00:50:04,793 I, myself, through the window, saw everything. 832 00:50:05,002 --> 00:50:07,588 Everything? What do you mean, Nicky? 833 00:50:07,796 --> 00:50:09,798 Oh, he's not with me now. 834 00:50:10,132 --> 00:50:14,094 These American millionaires, they think money can buy anything. 835 00:50:14,637 --> 00:50:18,349 Nicky, did you say he's a millionaire? 836 00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:21,018 He is? 837 00:50:21,852 --> 00:50:26,106 I will take his throat in my hands 838 00:50:26,190 --> 00:50:29,610 and i will squeeze and break... 839 00:50:53,676 --> 00:50:55,177 Aw, shut up. 840 00:50:59,640 --> 00:51:02,393 You'll get swayback sleeping that way. 841 00:51:07,481 --> 00:51:10,276 -Hey, garçon. Bring me a drink. -Water, sir? 842 00:51:10,359 --> 00:51:12,611 A little on the side. Very little. 843 00:51:14,071 --> 00:51:15,948 Did you get your magic lantern fixed last night 844 00:51:16,031 --> 00:51:17,575 after the navy sailed through it? 845 00:51:17,658 --> 00:51:21,495 It was quite simple. I merely inserted a new tube. 846 00:51:21,579 --> 00:51:24,206 -(PHONE RINGING) -Good idea. Ah, breakfast. 847 00:51:25,958 --> 00:51:27,167 Hello. 848 00:51:27,793 --> 00:51:29,003 Hello. 849 00:51:29,086 --> 00:51:30,671 Send me up a bird's nest 850 00:51:30,879 --> 00:51:34,133 and a couple of 100-year-old eggs boiled in perfume. 851 00:51:34,508 --> 00:51:35,718 Good morning, Professor. 852 00:51:36,302 --> 00:51:39,638 Oh, is that you, my little chrysan... (STUTTERS) 853 00:51:39,930 --> 00:51:41,098 Uh, my little hollyhock? 854 00:51:41,181 --> 00:51:42,266 How are you feeling? 855 00:51:42,558 --> 00:51:43,892 I feel like a million dollars. 856 00:51:43,976 --> 00:51:45,561 (HICCUPS) Excuse me. 857 00:51:46,186 --> 00:51:48,939 I'm getting rather bored here. Aren't you? 858 00:51:49,732 --> 00:51:51,275 Why don't we leave... 859 00:51:51,358 --> 00:51:52,985 Together? 860 00:51:53,068 --> 00:51:54,320 In your autogyro. 861 00:51:54,403 --> 00:51:58,073 Okay. I'll be right down as soon as i take off these pajamas. 862 00:52:02,661 --> 00:52:06,165 Wongy, you old silkworm, you're on your own. I'm leaving. 863 00:52:06,749 --> 00:52:09,501 Surely not before you offer a bid for the radioscope. 864 00:52:09,793 --> 00:52:10,878 Bid? 865 00:52:11,128 --> 00:52:13,881 You're representing the American Electric Company? 866 00:52:13,964 --> 00:52:15,674 Never heard of them. 867 00:52:16,091 --> 00:52:17,134 Ah. 868 00:52:33,859 --> 00:52:35,277 Thank you. 869 00:52:42,159 --> 00:52:44,244 You may inform the visiting representatives 870 00:52:44,328 --> 00:52:46,830 that i will accept sealed bids from them today. 871 00:52:46,914 --> 00:52:47,956 Yes, master. 872 00:52:48,207 --> 00:52:49,416 It is the law. 873 00:52:49,500 --> 00:52:52,795 I tell you, Inspector. I haven't got the measles. 874 00:52:52,878 --> 00:52:54,713 The truth is i'm not sick at all. 875 00:52:54,797 --> 00:52:56,882 I feel well. I eat well. 876 00:52:56,965 --> 00:52:58,842 -And you sleep well. -I sleep well. 877 00:52:58,926 --> 00:53:00,427 I said that. 878 00:53:00,928 --> 00:53:01,970 You've said too much. 879 00:53:02,054 --> 00:53:06,642 I didn't say too much. I just said you sleep well. 880 00:53:07,267 --> 00:53:10,646 Yeah. I don't feel like dancing, Mr. Nash. (GIGGLING) 881 00:53:12,106 --> 00:53:14,775 Well, big and little casino in the same trick. 882 00:53:15,025 --> 00:53:16,902 -Your play. -Play? 883 00:53:17,361 --> 00:53:18,821 Yes, play a card. 884 00:53:19,279 --> 00:53:20,531 What card? 885 00:53:20,614 --> 00:53:23,367 Why is it that everything always happens to me? 886 00:53:23,450 --> 00:53:25,786 -Oh, hello, Doctor. -Oh, hello. How's the patient? 887 00:53:25,869 --> 00:53:27,454 Oh, i'm fine, thank you. How are you, Doctor? 888 00:53:27,538 --> 00:53:30,416 No, no. How is the patient? How is the patient? 889 00:53:30,499 --> 00:53:33,085 Now, isn't that funny? Its sounds just like you're saying, 890 00:53:33,168 --> 00:53:34,628 "How is the patient?" 891 00:53:34,753 --> 00:53:35,754 Play a card. 892 00:53:36,088 --> 00:53:39,091 Oh, cards. Oh, i know a wonderful trick. 893 00:53:39,299 --> 00:53:41,510 May i borrow your handkerchief? 894 00:53:41,844 --> 00:53:44,096 Oh, you'll love this trick. 895 00:53:44,179 --> 00:53:45,431 Is this a good trick? 896 00:53:45,514 --> 00:53:47,141 Oh, sure. My brother showed me this trick. 897 00:53:47,224 --> 00:53:48,517 -Oh, your brother. -Yes. 898 00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:49,601 Which one, the half-wit? 899 00:53:49,685 --> 00:53:51,895 -No, the older one. -Oh, the big fella, yeah. 900 00:53:51,979 --> 00:53:54,481 Yeah. Now, may i borrow your scissors? 901 00:53:54,940 --> 00:53:56,692 (CLEARS THROAT) I'm sorry. 902 00:53:56,775 --> 00:53:57,901 Well, that's the finish of that. 903 00:53:57,985 --> 00:53:59,903 -Look... -No, I have a surprise for you. 904 00:53:59,987 --> 00:54:02,364 -I have a scissors. - I was expecting that too. 905 00:54:02,448 --> 00:54:04,950 Take that, Doctor. Now, will you cut right through the center? 906 00:54:05,033 --> 00:54:07,703 -Wait a minute. -Now don't be afraid. 907 00:54:07,786 --> 00:54:10,372 I know what i'm doing. Cut. 908 00:54:10,456 --> 00:54:12,541 -Cut right through the center. -Yes. 909 00:54:12,666 --> 00:54:15,335 Well, just so you know what you're doing. 910 00:54:15,836 --> 00:54:17,921 -Here you go. -Yeah. Now. 911 00:54:18,297 --> 00:54:19,423 This... 912 00:54:19,757 --> 00:54:21,258 Um... (STUTTERS) 913 00:54:21,717 --> 00:54:25,179 (GIGGLES) Oh, I wish my brother was here. 914 00:54:25,929 --> 00:54:29,767 Th... Oh, can you imagine? (GIGGLES) 915 00:54:29,850 --> 00:54:32,853 I did it wrong. Come here. Come here. 916 00:54:53,957 --> 00:54:56,794 And now the six-day bicycle race. 917 00:54:58,796 --> 00:55:00,422 (PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) 918 00:55:00,506 --> 00:55:01,924 ANNOUNCER: We will now hear Baby Rose Marie, 919 00:55:02,007 --> 00:55:04,968 one of radio's youngest and hottest entertainers. 920 00:55:15,312 --> 00:55:19,650 ♪ Oh, June is here and skies are clear ♪ 921 00:55:19,733 --> 00:55:21,860 ♪ And bright ♪ 922 00:55:22,986 --> 00:55:26,949 ♪ Not for me for i don't see ♪ 923 00:55:27,032 --> 00:55:30,035 ♪ The light ♪ 924 00:55:30,118 --> 00:55:32,663 ♪ To me the music of the birds and the bees ♪ 925 00:55:32,746 --> 00:55:35,791 ♪ Doesn't mean anything ♪ 926 00:55:35,874 --> 00:55:39,711 ♪ i'm so low that i don't know ♪ 927 00:55:39,795 --> 00:55:41,713 ♪ It's spring ♪ 928 00:55:43,298 --> 00:55:47,261 ♪ I heard a bluebird singin' one day ♪ 929 00:55:47,928 --> 00:55:51,807 ♪ He seems the messenger of happy news ♪ 930 00:55:51,890 --> 00:55:55,477 ♪ He fills the air above with a song of love ♪ 931 00:55:55,561 --> 00:55:58,355 ♪ And now my bluebird's singing the blues ♪ 932 00:55:59,147 --> 00:56:02,609 ♪ A pair of blue eyes wandered my way ♪ 933 00:56:02,693 --> 00:56:06,780 ♪ And how was i to know i'd love and lose ♪ 934 00:56:06,864 --> 00:56:10,576 ♪ But now my bluebird's nest is a blackbird's rest ♪ 935 00:56:10,659 --> 00:56:14,454 ♪ And my bluebird's singing the blues ♪ 936 00:56:15,247 --> 00:56:18,584 ♪ I was a dumb one love was blind ♪ 937 00:56:18,667 --> 00:56:21,712 ♪ Or maybe i should blame it on the moon ♪ 938 00:56:22,963 --> 00:56:26,300 ♪ A certain someone changed his mind ♪ 939 00:56:26,383 --> 00:56:29,052 ♪ And my bluebird changed his tune ♪ 940 00:56:29,553 --> 00:56:32,764 ♪ All my blue skies seem to be gray ♪ 941 00:56:32,931 --> 00:56:36,935 ♪ And i packed away my dancing shoes ♪ 942 00:56:37,019 --> 00:56:40,898 ♪ Because my big romance was a song and dance ♪ 943 00:56:40,981 --> 00:56:43,650 ♪ And my bluebird's singing the blues ♪ 944 00:56:44,651 --> 00:56:48,238 ♪ I was a dumb one love was blind ♪ 945 00:56:48,322 --> 00:56:52,284 ♪ Or maybe i should blame it on the moon ♪ 946 00:56:52,659 --> 00:56:55,871 ♪ A certain someone changed his mind ♪ 947 00:56:56,079 --> 00:56:59,458 ♪ And my bluebird changed his tune ♪ 948 00:56:59,541 --> 00:57:03,921 ♪ And my blue skies seem to be gray ♪ 949 00:57:04,004 --> 00:57:07,633 ♪ And i packed away my dancing shoes ♪ 950 00:57:07,716 --> 00:57:12,763 ♪ Because my big romance was a song and dance ♪ 951 00:57:12,846 --> 00:57:15,557 ♪ That's why my ♪ 952 00:57:15,974 --> 00:57:19,728 ♪ Bluebird is singing ♪ 953 00:57:19,811 --> 00:57:25,734 ♪ The blues ♪ 954 00:57:26,443 --> 00:57:28,487 -Splendid. -Quite amusing. 955 00:57:28,904 --> 00:57:31,531 I shall be the first to present a bid for the rights. 956 00:57:31,615 --> 00:57:32,950 You are the last. 957 00:57:33,033 --> 00:57:36,453 The other representatives have all submitted sealed bids. 958 00:57:38,246 --> 00:57:40,582 We will batter down the doors. 959 00:57:40,666 --> 00:57:42,960 And the more resistance you encounter, 960 00:57:43,251 --> 00:57:45,003 the more money i will pay you. 961 00:57:45,087 --> 00:57:46,964 -(MEN MURMURING) -Shh! 962 00:57:48,090 --> 00:57:51,593 Once we're in the hotel, i will Kill 963 00:57:52,094 --> 00:57:55,222 that loose-living American jackal scoundrel. 964 00:57:55,973 --> 00:57:57,265 Come on. 965 00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:06,191 I beg your pardon. I don't think i've had the pleasure... 966 00:58:06,274 --> 00:58:09,444 Nash. Tommy Nash, representing the American Electric Company. 967 00:58:09,528 --> 00:58:11,530 Welcome, my friend. What detained you? 968 00:58:11,613 --> 00:58:14,533 It's a sad story, Doctor. Am i too late to submit a bid? 969 00:58:14,616 --> 00:58:17,077 Not at all. But first, don't you want a demonstration? 970 00:58:17,160 --> 00:58:18,370 Great. 971 00:58:20,789 --> 00:58:23,625 ANNOUNCER: Now with a hi-dee-hi and a ho-dee-ho, 972 00:58:23,709 --> 00:58:26,044 Cab Calloway and His Harlem Maniacs... 973 00:58:26,128 --> 00:58:29,214 present a flaming bit of heated Harlem harmony. 974 00:58:32,092 --> 00:58:33,677 ♪ Why, what's the matter with this cat here? ♪ 975 00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:34,761 [MEN]: ♪ He's high. ♪ 976 00:58:34,845 --> 00:58:36,346 ♪ What do you mean he's high? ♪ [MEN]: ♪ Full of weed. ♪ 977 00:58:36,430 --> 00:58:37,806 ♪ Full of weed? ♪ ♪ Yeah. ♪ 978 00:58:37,889 --> 00:58:39,850 ♪ Who is this cat anyway? ♪ ♪ That's the reefer man. ♪ 979 00:58:39,933 --> 00:58:41,309 ♪ The reefer man? ♪ ♪ Yeah. ♪ 980 00:58:41,393 --> 00:58:43,770 ♪ Why, look at that dog. He looks like he's losing his mind. ♪ 981 00:58:43,854 --> 00:58:46,148 ♪ He done lost his mind. ♪ ♪ Done lost his mind? ♪ 982 00:58:46,231 --> 00:58:48,358 ♪ Yeah. ♪ ♪ Come on. Let's get away from here then. ♪ 983 00:59:05,959 --> 00:59:08,837 ♪ Have you ever met that funny reefer man ♪ [MEN]:♪ Reefer man ♪ 984 00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:12,049 ♪ Have you ever met that funny reefer man -Reefer man ♪ 985 00:59:12,132 --> 00:59:15,177 ♪ If he says he swam to China wants to sell you South Carolina ♪ 986 00:59:15,343 --> 00:59:18,221 ♪ Then you know you're talking to that reefer man -Reefer man ♪ 987 00:59:18,305 --> 00:59:21,266 ♪ Have you ever met that funny reefer man -Reefer man ♪ 988 00:59:21,349 --> 00:59:24,686 ♪ Oh, that funny, funny funny reefer man -Reefer man ♪ 989 00:59:24,770 --> 00:59:28,065 ♪ If he trades you dimes for nickels he says watermelons are pickles ♪ 990 00:59:28,148 --> 00:59:30,942 ♪ You know you're talking to that reefer man -Reefer man ♪ 991 00:59:31,026 --> 00:59:34,529 ♪ Oh, have you ever met that funny reefer man -Reefer man ♪ 992 00:59:34,613 --> 00:59:37,365 ♪ Oh, that funny, funny funny reefer man Reefer man ♪ 993 00:59:37,449 --> 00:59:40,786 ♪ He smokes a reefer, he gets high then he flies to the sky ♪ 994 00:59:40,869 --> 00:59:43,455 ♪ That funny, funny funny reefer man ♪ 995 01:00:18,198 --> 01:00:19,699 ♪ Take your time, son. Take your time now. ♪ 996 01:00:19,783 --> 01:00:24,079 ♪ Pat that thing slightly, lightly and politely. ♪ 997 01:00:24,162 --> 01:00:26,957 ♪ Why, that cat's still high. ♪ [ALL]: ♪ Yeah, man. ♪ 998 01:00:27,791 --> 01:00:29,209 It's wonderful. 999 01:00:29,292 --> 01:00:32,504 -Inspector Sun, how...how is the patient? -(PHONE RINGING) 1000 01:00:32,587 --> 01:00:35,882 Uh, hello. No, i can't see you now. Oh. 1001 01:00:35,966 --> 01:00:38,969 Oh, get out. Get out. How's the patient? 1002 01:00:39,052 --> 01:00:42,264 Perfectly well. He has nothing but harmless rash. 1003 01:00:42,472 --> 01:00:45,600 Uh... Nothing but a harmless rash? 1004 01:00:45,684 --> 01:00:48,311 Then i suppose the quarantine will be lifted? 1005 01:00:48,395 --> 01:00:50,730 At once. You may open the doors. 1006 01:00:51,398 --> 01:00:53,608 Open the doors? That's fine. 1007 01:00:53,692 --> 01:00:55,318 Now we'll have a little peace and quiet. 1008 01:00:55,610 --> 01:01:00,240 I wanted your company to have my invention all along. I am so happy. 1009 01:01:00,323 --> 01:01:02,534 Ah, maybe you think i'm not, Doctor. 1010 01:01:02,659 --> 01:01:06,830 And now we shall see the six-day bicycle race. 1011 01:01:14,296 --> 01:01:16,590 Ah! I've got it! 1012 01:01:21,469 --> 01:01:24,848 ANNOUNCER: We are now signing off at the end of a six-day bicycle race. 1013 01:01:25,974 --> 01:01:27,225 Oh, it is too late. 1014 01:01:27,642 --> 01:01:28,894 Open the doors. 1015 01:01:29,269 --> 01:01:30,937 (INDISTINCT YELLING) 1016 01:01:41,156 --> 01:01:45,493 Please! Please! Is this any way to enter a first-class hotel? 1017 01:01:45,577 --> 01:01:48,747 Has Dr. Wong sold the rights to his machine to anyone? 1018 01:01:48,830 --> 01:01:51,208 -I don't know, and i don't care! -But i care! 1019 01:01:52,542 --> 01:01:56,296 If anyone has bought it, he shall not leave with it. 1020 01:01:56,880 --> 01:01:59,507 -No one can double-cross Petronovich. -Yes. 1021 01:02:00,300 --> 01:02:02,636 Cover all the exits, men. Allow no one to leave. 1022 01:02:02,761 --> 01:02:04,471 (HUMMING) 1023 01:02:10,852 --> 01:02:13,813 Yeah, all lies, love 1024 01:02:13,939 --> 01:02:17,192 (HORN HONKS RHYTHMICALLY) 1025 01:02:17,275 --> 01:02:20,153 -I'll wire you where to send the luggage. -Here, missy. 1026 01:02:20,528 --> 01:02:21,696 Thank you. 1027 01:02:21,947 --> 01:02:23,615 (HONKING) 1028 01:02:25,492 --> 01:02:28,787 Ah, your car is waiting, my luscious little lollipop. 1029 01:02:28,870 --> 01:02:31,581 -Smart idea of yours. -The only kind i have. 1030 01:02:32,624 --> 01:02:34,542 When i was shooting sheep in the Himalayas... 1031 01:02:34,626 --> 01:02:36,753 (HICCUPS) Pardon me. Excuse me. 1032 01:02:36,836 --> 01:02:39,089 Drat those 100-year-old eggs. 1033 01:02:40,966 --> 01:02:45,178 Well, my little Laplander, we must be shooting along now. 1034 01:02:46,054 --> 01:02:48,056 You're looking wonderful. 1035 01:02:48,848 --> 01:02:50,225 Gorgeous. 1036 01:02:51,184 --> 01:02:54,145 Ravishing. Beautiful. 1037 01:02:55,814 --> 01:02:57,732 Stunning. Stunning. 1038 01:03:01,194 --> 01:03:02,862 I'm sitting on something. 1039 01:03:02,946 --> 01:03:04,948 I lost mine in the stock market. 1040 01:03:06,866 --> 01:03:08,535 -(CAT MEOWS) -Oh. 1041 01:03:08,618 --> 01:03:11,454 -What's that? -Sounds like a body squeak. 1042 01:03:11,538 --> 01:03:13,415 -It does? - I got it. 1043 01:03:13,498 --> 01:03:15,000 Here it is here. 1044 01:03:15,083 --> 01:03:17,711 What are you doing? Uh, one of the nuts are loose, dear. 1045 01:03:17,794 --> 01:03:20,171 -What did you say? -One of the nuts. 1046 01:03:20,255 --> 01:03:21,840 -The what? -The nuts. 1047 01:03:22,757 --> 01:03:25,677 -What? -Nuts! Nuts! Nuts! 1048 01:03:25,760 --> 01:03:27,387 Oh, don't lose your temper about it. 1049 01:03:27,470 --> 01:03:30,056 I'm not losing my temper, my little fuzzy wish-wash. 1050 01:03:30,140 --> 01:03:32,892 I'm merely telling you one of the nuts are loose. 1051 01:03:33,184 --> 01:03:35,270 We shan't be long now. 1052 01:03:36,062 --> 01:03:37,564 What are you feeling about for? 1053 01:03:37,647 --> 01:03:39,274 -The button. The starter button. -Oh. 1054 01:03:39,357 --> 01:03:41,234 Yes, here. We have it here. 1055 01:03:41,318 --> 01:03:43,403 -Comfortable little car, isn't it? -Mmm-hmm. 1056 01:03:44,988 --> 01:03:47,282 Huh? I hadn't figured on that. 1057 01:03:48,116 --> 01:03:51,369 This car used to belong to the postmaster general. 1058 01:03:52,203 --> 01:03:54,664 Ah, here we are now. Here we go. 1059 01:03:54,748 --> 01:03:56,166 (ENGINE STARTS) 1060 01:03:57,542 --> 01:04:01,463 Shan't be long now, my little fuzzy fuchsia. (HICCUPS) 1061 01:04:05,383 --> 01:04:06,843 (HICCUPPING) 1062 01:04:15,894 --> 01:04:18,688 Here we are, my ravishing little pineapple. 1063 01:04:18,980 --> 01:04:21,149 That wiggle of yours is becoming marvelous. 1064 01:04:21,232 --> 01:04:23,068 I tell you. I'm sitting on something. 1065 01:04:23,151 --> 01:04:25,278 You're sitting on something? 1066 01:04:25,362 --> 01:04:27,697 Where are you, my little Mexican jumping bean? 1067 01:04:27,781 --> 01:04:28,782 Where are you? 1068 01:04:28,865 --> 01:04:30,617 I'm up here in the fresh air. Come on up. 1069 01:04:30,700 --> 01:04:32,911 - Something's under me. - What is it? - I don't know. 1070 01:04:32,994 --> 01:04:35,413 I'll go down and investigate. 1071 01:04:39,042 --> 01:04:41,461 -Upsy-daisy. -Ooh! 1072 01:04:41,544 --> 01:04:45,090 -Ah, it's a pussy. -Oh, the poor thing. 1073 01:04:45,715 --> 01:04:48,009 Worry not, my little titmouse. 1074 01:04:48,093 --> 01:04:50,470 He still has eight more lives to go. 1075 01:04:50,970 --> 01:04:54,265 There you are, pussy. Run away now. -[PETRONOVICH]: Ah-ha! 1076 01:04:58,770 --> 01:05:00,605 Hello. Have you a match? 1077 01:05:00,688 --> 01:05:03,358 -(SCOFFS) -Oh, i guess you haven't one. Okay. 1078 01:05:07,654 --> 01:05:11,157 -Nicky! -What have you been doing? 1079 01:05:11,241 --> 01:05:14,077 -Uh-oh. -Why, the Professor's been entertaining me. 1080 01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:18,706 Hmm, darling, my little scanty-panty, your skirt. 1081 01:05:20,041 --> 01:05:21,459 (GASPS) Oh! 1082 01:05:39,102 --> 01:05:41,020 Gangway, please. Gangway! 1083 01:05:41,104 --> 01:05:42,772 Downstairs! Downstairs! 1084 01:05:43,940 --> 01:05:46,192 Come on. I've gotta get outta here. We're going to Shanghai. 1085 01:05:46,609 --> 01:05:48,528 -Tommy! -We're gonna be married. 1086 01:05:48,611 --> 01:05:50,363 -But how can we? -Professor Quail, 1087 01:05:50,447 --> 01:05:52,657 contract for radioscope. Tell you all about it. 1088 01:05:53,491 --> 01:05:54,909 (WOMAN SCREAMS) 1089 01:06:02,041 --> 01:06:04,002 So, you wanna play, eh? 1090 01:06:06,129 --> 01:06:08,798 -(WOMEN SCREAMING) -(HONKING) 1091 01:06:19,267 --> 01:06:20,852 This is the worst experience i've ever... 1092 01:06:27,484 --> 01:06:29,861 I fooled you that time, didn't i? 1093 01:06:30,445 --> 01:06:33,156 -Hey! Hey, Professor! -I'll show you! 1094 01:06:42,373 --> 01:06:45,502 Young man, you've saved my life. Now what can i do for you? 1095 01:06:45,585 --> 01:06:47,170 Take us to Shanghai. 1096 01:06:47,253 --> 01:06:49,172 I'll drop you there on my way to Kansas City. 1097 01:06:51,216 --> 01:06:53,259 Come on, Professor! Come on! 1098 01:06:59,057 --> 01:07:00,767 Press the button! Press the button! 1099 01:07:08,691 --> 01:07:10,026 (YELLING) 1100 01:07:17,283 --> 01:07:18,826 (ALL LAUGHING) 1101 01:07:23,790 --> 01:07:25,792 I'm sitting on something. 1102 01:07:25,875 --> 01:07:27,502 -What, again? -Yes. 1103 01:07:27,919 --> 01:07:30,338 I tell you, i'm sitting on something. 1104 01:07:31,297 --> 01:07:33,091 Get up, my little cupcake. 1105 01:07:39,639 --> 01:07:41,724 I wonder what their parents were. 1106 01:07:41,808 --> 01:07:44,310 Careless, my little nut cake. Careless. 1107 01:07:44,852 --> 01:07:46,521 Whoo-hoo!